Most married couples can probably relate to this: sometime after we got married, my wife & I developed our own language -- and I don't mean an intelligent language full of flowery Shakespearean metaphors in iambic pentameter, full of wit and vigorous wordplay. No, I mean a language that may as well be spoken by two-year-olds, or perhaps some of the more developed species of Australopithecus.
I remember my own mom and dad talking this way occasionally when I was a kid. "Hi?" with a sharply rising inflection expressed a certain dismay. My dad used to call my mom a variety of weird names such as "littles." And everyone in my family can recall times when their mutual laughter veered disturbingly into a strange chain reaction of hysterical, uncontrollable and crazed laughter that ended with my mom weeping and my dad red as a beet.
I used to think this weirdness was just my mom and dad... oh no. I give you our marital dictionary, which is much larger, but even more incomprehensible...
M&W's Dorky Dictionary
Alright. - said with a downward and final-sounding inflection, this is a joking way we agree with each other while joking that we are arguing. If it sounds too complex, it's because it is.
Barg! - angry frustration
Bleh. - want to go back to bed
Blobbus, boo or beau - our cat Malmo
Doof - what she calls me when I do or say something dumb, which is unfair of her because I never have. Never!
Eeb - I'm hurting
Fine! - much like "alright." except that this means that we are joking that we are arguing while actually agreeing. Don't ask.
Fleeb (aka Fleebus - from Fleabag) - our fat cat Michelle
Gack! - disgust, physical or mental
Garg - why me?
Gooba gooba gooba - this must be sung to a silly faux-lounge scat melody that Wendi made up.
Gorb - tired
Gorbus - boredom
Gorg - exhaustion
Gubzub - i'm sleepy
Holla! - alright!
Honeyplop or sweetypoo or baybee - what I call Wendi
Hubba or gubbahubba or lovablebubble - what Wendi calls me
Mafoo - Wendi's affectionate name for me. Aw!
Oog - Wendi's term for "I want you to rub me.... NOW!
Pleeb? - please
Punk out - what she says I do when I get mad
uh-Vootoo - you suck
Woman! - what I say when she gets on my nerves
Yebbis - yes. This comes from Mushmouth on the 70s cartoon Cosby Kids. I think/
Yumb - very tasty! (we have taken to adding a 'b' to almost any word that ends in an 'm' or an 'n' (dumb, gum, home, exam, etc.). This comes from an painting we saw hanging in a restauraunt someime back. It has proved a virulent meme that is spreading to more words -- we have recently begun overemphasizising our trailing plosives, as in the words 'pop' or 'mop'... things are spiraling out of control!)
And of course there are uncountably many more little idiosyncratic expressions, gestures and silly in-jokes that make absolutely no sense to anyone else... or to us, for that matter. I guess it's a cute enough aspect of our marriage, but I don't like to think of where we'll be many years from now, gibbering buffoons with zero comprehensiblity or social graces... much like Dad ;-)
Oh well, as a married person once said when I received blank looks from some other, unmarried people after relating some dumb antidote like this.... it's a marriage thing, you wouldn't understand.
Who would? A retarded chimpanzee, that's who.
5 comments:
That was a great blog Matt. Thank for the short peek into your marriage. I, one day, will have my own language with a very beautiful women named Kate. That is no one in particular but I figure it will help to narrow my search. Talk to you latter gubbahubba.
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Extremely funny post, Mattb.
Elizabeth and I have our own pathetic baby babble. I might get in trouble if I expose too much, so I'll just say that somehow "woo" became a ubiquitous syllable in our language:
Woo-bear
I wuv woo
Woo time
Two woos in a woo
. . . and endless variations of the above, ad nauseum.
I suppose that the infantile babble is a way of expressing deep, unguarded, for-your-eyes-only emotional intimacy.
A corollary to your observation is the phenomenon of my language degeneration in the presence of my wife. My speech slurs more, I'm much sloppier with grammar, I'm much more prone to umms and ahhhs and blank pauses and unended sentences. I guess this is true because 1) complete communication is less vital because often we already know what the other's going to say, and 2) proper, pretty speech is part of a anxious social facade that becomes less important when talking with your intimate other.
All of these things suggest that there is a fascinating blending of consciousness when talking with your other half, a linguistic connection that underscores the emotional and physical intimacy of marriage.
Yes, indeed, I wuv my WooBear.
Matt,
All I have to say is you guys are strange with a capital "S." Me and my wifey-wife never stoop to such embarassingly child-like "talk." If she wants a little kissy-wissy from her Geoffity Weoff-Weoff, she just asks for one(in a bad Ms. Piggy voice).
Grow up.
Hoooooo boy. I have been SO exposed in this blog post. Gubba, methinks thou hast opened a big can o' whoop-tuchas here. >:-E
Just kidding -- I was in the room with Matt when he wrote this, and even reminded him of some more obscure cutesy-wootsy sayings of ours to post.
A shout-out to my lovable-bubble-huggle-wuggles -- it seems we may have made everyone in your family physically ill with our saccharine sayings. Result! :-D
We're so boring compared to the rest of you! Such an impressive "dictionary", Matt & Wendi. You should put some type of patent on it! Maybe when Tyler and I have been married as long as the rest of you we too will form our own type of language with a bunch of nonsensical words. One can only hope... :) Great blog, Matthew!
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